say something

i have been rereading anne of green gables. i read the first one when i was very young and never continued on with the series, so i am now.today this morning in the office i finished up. i knew all along i would cry when matthew died, but i hadn’t considered that when i brought it in to work. i felt awful silly sitting at my desk where a proffessor could come ask me to make copies any minute with tears rolling down my face. i had been experiencing all kinds of emotions regarding the nature of the future and choices all morning, but it wasn’t until i reached one of the last paragraphs that my whole world view made a little, but significant, shift.

Anne’s horizons had closed in since the night she had sat there after coming home from Queen’s; but if the path set before her feet was narrow she knew that flowers of quiet happiness would bloom along it. the joys of sincere work and worthy aspiration and congenial friendship were to be heres; nothing could rob her of of fancy or her ideal world of dreams. And there was always the bend in the road.

 we seem to always make choices about our future based upon what will give us the most options should we change our mind or have a new idea down the road, but this paragraph put my recent emotional shift into just the right words. the goal should not be to constantly broaden our horizons as if to claim the whole world as our own, but to weedle it down to just one merry little path that is OURS. how peaceful to know that this trail, and this one only, is one’s own to care for and follow. i could wander aimlessly for years on a broad open field and get nowhere and leave this life empty, or i can follow my own little trail all od my life and only leave the fuller. especially if i have my love by my side. my one love, my only love. the only one i need.

*deep breath* i am back at school now, and i’m really enjoying my place. i love cooking my own food, and i get to sew a lot, which is really amazing. life is just so lovely. i have really nice friends. i was so sad to leave molly and rebekah and carrie at home. my friends all inspire me. doesn’t that make me such a lucky person? as much as i don’t like the idea of colleg and the artificial suspension it puts on life, i do love my classes. we talked about yeats this morning in modern poetry. i always feel a little like a fraud when i don’t get anything out of a poem until we discuss it in class. you should read the lake isle at innisfree it’s very beautiful. we read an interview on Bono for my interdisciplinary christian thought class (yeah i’m so spoiled to get to take classes like this) and i was really inspired by his authenticity. mostly i want to really do things, instead of just thinking and talking about them. i guess that’s what i cook and sew for, but as for the rest of things i don’t really know where to start. we covenanted with nexus community church sunday night, and went to wednesday night prayer meeting for the first time. we have found a wonderful family there. maybe i will invite shawna and joanna over monday, or maybe we’ll go to hastings to talk. it’s no barnes and noble, but i think that you can think of smarter things when you are surrounded by books. at least i feel something special when i’m there. i am going to try and write for the school newspaper, and i want to write a proposal to the board of education about the need for a christian based university to provide a major in family and consumer sciences. our family unit here in the united states is struggling so much, we really need people with a good working knowledge of biblical principles to be in the business of family education. i have so many ideas and thoughts about things going on in the world that i feel like i have about half of the pieces of a dozen puzzles and don’t even know where to go from here. maybe some of you understand too.